My two biggest kids are spending the week at Camp Grandma, so Smiley is pretty much running the show around here. After quizzing me a thousand times about his siblings’ whereabouts, he finally relaxed and asked me to transcribe his To-Do list for the day.
1. Find all of Rascal’s Star Wars figures and rip off their arms. Then carry the mutilated appendages and various tiny lightsabers around in cupped hands, repeating “Mama, where Obi-Wan? I need fix Obi-Wan!”
2. Grab that Father’s Day gift I never got to play with yesterday. Push the buttons nonstop until Mom tries to distract me with her favorite bait-n-switch move. Nice try, Mom.
3. Make a beeline to the backyard fort and dismantle Doodlebug’s carefully organized piles of mulch, acorns and rocks. Remix the ingredients and make Mama a birthday cake. Smash the birthday cake and throw rocks at her.
4. Stomp around in my brother’s nasty, worn-out crocs.
5. At lunchtime, declare loudly that “I not like pasta today!” and demand “bunny crackers and strawberries and cold milk in that cup. No, THAT cup.”
It’s good to be king.