Elizabeth McGuire

I’m a sucker for a list

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I stumbled upon this list I wrote for a Facebook meme that buzzed around almost two years ago. Smiley was just a wee one at the time and I remember compiling it, one-handed, during a marathon nursing session.

Funny how most of the items still ring true. Even #1. Always #5. Especially #11. Not sure about #6 (I’m certainly not doublechecking–Hubby reads this blog.)

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25 Random Things About Me

1. I have had Wilco’s “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” in my car for years and I never get tired of listening to it.

2. I married my high school sweetheart, which means we have loved each other through some seriously bad hairdos.

3. If I could bottle Doodlebug’s curiosity, Rascal’s giggles and Smiley’s sighs, I would carry them in my pocket every day.

4. I’ve never tried harder at anything else than I have at becoming a good mother. And I’ve never been more satisfied by anything else.

5. I hate bridges and any kind of height that isn’t terra firma.

6. I have 8 pairs of jeans in my closet right now—probably an all-time low.

7. Sometimes I crave running as much as I crave chocolate.

8. I wish I could let things go more often and not worry so much about keeping my shit together.

9. I don’t get the appeal of American Idol.

10. I am not an adventurous eater. I’d like to think I am, but I’m just kidding myself.

11. For me, running is one of the great metaphors of life.

12. I could sit from dawn until dusk watching waves crash or a river run.

13. When I have a crummy day, my comfort food is a bowl of granola cereal.

14. My feet are so painfully ticklish that pedicures are a form of torture. This does not keep me out of the nail salon.

15. Every time I go into a hospital I feel like a scared 10 year-old.

16. Sometimes I try too hard.

17. I love love love seeing my dogs running with abandon.

18. I love the waltz.

19. I am so sick of people saying that Wii is a great workout.

20. I once jumped off a cliff to impress a guy. Nine years later I married him.

21. I don’t have a handle on my magazine addiction.

22. I’m a good listener. A surprising number of strangers confide in me.

23. Once upon a time I wanted to be on Broadway, but then I realized you had to be able to carry a tune.

24. When I was in 4th grade I dubbed myself Elizabeth the Great and signed all my school papers as such. I love that my Mom never discouraged it.

25. I am grateful every day, even if I forget to say it out loud.

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Kid time

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“What am I doing? Nothing. I am letting life rain upon me.”
~Rahel Varnhagen

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Sunday Grace

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Family, what are you thankful for today?
Highlights from this week:

It’s a new month
That one science show on TV
Cantaloupe
Blueberries
Our walk around the block
Smiley stayed on his trike all the way around the block
Dino Dan
Delicious and healthy dinner
Halloween candy
Rascal traded me his Dots candy for KitKats
Baby Einstein videos
You, you, you and you
Animals
Polite strangers
Cough drops
Bread
Haircuts
Going to Granna and Pop’s house tomorrow
Lego Batman
New camera (omg! yay!!)
Early Thanksgiving with the family

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Sunday Grace, our family gratitude journal, is updated weekly.
Read the entire series here.

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Just shoot me

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My camera, not pictured above, is on the fritz. This is good and bad news. Bad because I don’t have time to write 1,000 words every time I want to capture a moment. Good because maybe just maybe I can justify buying an upgrade once I figure out what’s going on with my ailing Rebel.

In the meantime, I’ve been documenting the everyday with my iPhone.

Some recent highlights from our world:

Rascal’s DS got out of timeout. We are all overjoyed.

I got a pedicure to match my favorite chair.

Doodlebug got a new coat that’s as sassy as she is.

Hubby found someone to appreciate his pumpkin stacking talents.

Smiley perfected his bell-ringing skills, much to the delight of neighbors.

We all survived last week, which was busting at the seams with class projects, cake decorating contests, school carnival and, of course, Halloween.

Our costumes? Well, the kids had been all set until an hour before trick-or-treating. Then Hubby and I pulled out the costume box to figure out what we were going to wear…and suddenly the living room was a pile of wigs, beads, pleather jackets, capes, tails and hats. And what emerged: a Jonas brother, a skunk, a cowboy who refused to wear a single piece of his costume, a punk witch and “Rascal’s embarrassing Dad.” I’ll let you figure out that last one on your own.

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Sunday Grace

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Family, what are you thankful for today?
Highlights from this week:

Chicken
Apples
Mom came to two Read-Alouds
Kids were so sweet and enthusiastic
We didn’t have to ride the bus home
Facetime with Pop
School cake-decorating contest
I got help for my sprained ankle
Waffles for dinner
Crispy chicken
Apples (geez, we’ve had lots of chicken and apples this week)
Cold front came through
School carnival (omg! omg! omg!)
The week is almost over
Halloween!

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Sunday Grace, our family gratitude journal, is updated weekly.
Read the entire series here.

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May I have this dance?

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In The Colors
Ben Harper

When your whole world is shaken from all the risks we have taken
Dance with me, dance with me into the colors of the dusk

When you have awoken from all the dreams broken
Come and dance with me, dance with me into the colors of the dusk
Dance with me in the colors of the dusk

The paths we’re walking on, they crumble behind us
But if we leave now, they will never find us
And if this crazy world spins itself down to dust, I want to be with you in the colors

When you again start hoping with your arms wide open
Come on, dance with me, dance with me into the colors of the dusk
And all will be right, dancing like water with the light
Dance with me, won’t you dance with me into the colors of the dusk?

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We need a family thesaurus

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I’m not the only one who is at a loss for words these days, but this time it feels perfectly amazing.

“Mama, I love you so much. I love you…well, I don’t know the right word. Maybe there’s not a word. Mama, I just don’t think there’s a word to describe how much I love you.”

And I don’t think there’s a word to describe how lucky I am.

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Sunday Grace

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Family, what are you thankful for today?
Highlights from this week:

Playing at the park
Fun day at school
Smiley saying new words daily (thank you; me too!)
Both dogs got walks today
The new school bus drop-off (right in front of the house)
Peek-a-boo with my brother
Last soccer game (we won!)
The baton-swirling senior citizens who made my day
Long chat with a friend
Dino Dan
Ankle feeling better
French fries
P. Terry’s burgers
Aloha Friday at work
Sitting outside in the shade during piano lessons
Family: the one we inherit and the one we choose

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Sunday Grace, our family gratitude journal, is updated weekly.
Read the entire series here.

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Self-portrait

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Today is my 1-year blogiversary. That fact alone warrants a little self-reflection, but the larger truth is that there are overwhelming things going on in my life right now, and the reflection they deserve is so enormous that I am feeling swallowed whole by the responsibility.

And I don’t want to talk about any of it.

I am sitting here at my computer, wondering how to acknowledge my first year of blogging but I mostly want to dig a deep hole and ease myself down into its depths.

I have built my marriage, my parenting style, even my career, on communicating, sharing, talking it out. But now the very last thing I want to do is open my mouth.

My tribe of friends and family, so generous and caring, wants to shoulder some of my pain. But I am holding things tightly and protecting my heart. What is there to say, really? Anything I share will be both too much and not enough.

I am a relatively private person, but somehow I’m also a person who thrives on connecting with others. This contradiction has carried over into my writing career, as I struggle with the conflicts between needing to connect and wanting to protect. Lately the pull from each end has never felt greater.

So today, in honor of this blog’s birth and in the spirit of reaching out, I want to peel away one layer and tell you something important.

I am losing someone I love. Not just someone, but my Mom. And even though I have been losing pieces of her for many years, it doesn’t diminish the pain that is now devouring me, eating me alive from the inside out.

And there is nothing and everything to say about it.

This week I read a wise and beautiful piece about grief and how it is work done alone. I am grateful to this stranger for putting to words the power and pain of this experience. And I’m grateful that my own tribe is waiting nearby with ropes to toss down when I’m ready to climb out of my hole toward sunlight.

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